Marriage Questions: What Do Surrendering and Forgiveness Have in Common?

Sometimes when we are married, we have to do things we don’t always want to do. We do these things because we love our partner and we know which battles are worth fighting.

Often we try and try and try to get our spouse to CHANGE, but we need to realize – sooner than later – that some things just never will. That’s okay though. You married your spouse for a reason. You love them for who they are – not for who they can change into.

If your spouse is a procrastinator or especially messy, they’re not going to suddenly get things done on time or become a neat freak. You might try to change your spouse and their habits by nudging, begging, or even threatening. But what will that get you? Nothing more than an argument!

So how can we avoid arguing in the first place?

We need to learn to surrender and forgive. Surrendering and forgiveness can work together in your favor to help you gain inner peace.

Now, when I say “surrender,” I’m not expecting you to give your own self up. Instead, I want you to give yourself a gift. The gift called PEACE.

Let’s say that you’re stuck in a terrible traffic jam. Will you accomplish anything if you honk like mad or repeatedly press on the gas pedal? No, the only thing you will accomplish is increasing your chances of getting into a wreck.

But what if you take a different approach? What if you SURRENDER and make peace with reality? By surrendering, we accept our current situation and allow ourselves to make the most of it. Turn the radio up, sing loudly and off-key, and just wait for the road to clear.

You’ll get to where you were going in the same amount of time. But you’ll be in a much better mood.

It’s no different with your spouse. When we engage in behavior that we know won’t result in change, we are doing ourselves a disservice. We are rocking the boat when the boat was just fine to begin with. And if we continue to behave in this way, we could possibly cause irreparable damage.

So before you pick an unnecessary fight, take a moment to think. Is it really worth it? If it’s not (and it’s most likely NOT worth it), just simply surrender, accept the situation, and learn to love the qualities you view as faults in your spouse as much as you love all of the qualities you see as good.

And then comes forgiveness. After you surrender to things you can’t change, forgive. When you forgive, you’re not doing it for the sake of your spouse. You are forgiving because you’ll be able to let go of any grudge, resentment, or anger – and gain inner peace.

As you see, surrendering and forgiveness go hand in hand. We do them because we know we can’t change everything. We do them because we love our spouse. And we do them because relinquishing that pent-up stress will make our spouses, our marriage, and ourselves happier.

So go ahead: surrender, forgive, and gain your inner peace!

Do you and your spouse have marriage questions? Reach out today. I’ll be happy to help you gain insight about your relationship and find the answers you’re looking for.

Rooting for you!

Sara